I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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