You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
