between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
BRING THE BAGELS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
