New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
