Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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