Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
