I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
