Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
