he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Randomize
