if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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