ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
