Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
