Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
