I wish life had little blips of pornography
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
