Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
