She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
