I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
