Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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