Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
