We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The air was thick with penises
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
