what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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