i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
two words: eviction party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
