Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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