This is not my ceiling
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
