i would punch a child for taco bell
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
