Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
