he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
