I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
