Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
