fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
