Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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