I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
