I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
