Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
