Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
