I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
