Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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