every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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