I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
