so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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