is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
