im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
