i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
