i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
