last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
