five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
