her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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