Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm passing your future prison.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
