I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
