i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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