i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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