It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
