doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
