i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
