my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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