yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
