Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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