He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
