my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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