Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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